On Second Thought...

I think I do have something to say today. I want to get out of the journaling/diary mode and into some writing. So bear with me as this works itself out over the next few days.

My dogs give me joy. My knitting gives me joy. Seeing stuff in my planters grow gives me joy. And now, feeling my baby growing inside me gives me joy.
I'm on a continuous journey. And it's a journey to joy. That's what I named my baby's website. Journey to joy. I like that my mom suggested the name Joy for our baby if it's a girl. Because that's what this is. Joy. But what if it's a boy? I need names for joy that are masculine. hmmm...
So where did this journey start? I know it's part of God's plan but for me consciously, where did it begin? I think it started in my early 20's when I was forming and developing my methods of coping with difficulties. It progressed into searches for "me" and waking spiritually to different ideas and wisdoms of things greater than me. Searching for answers about truth, life, love and acceptance. All these things formed all the ideals I carry with me now. Some worked and some didn't. Some were scary and some were inviting. But God never let me out of His sight. He kept me flowing and moving closer to Him and the Bible and all the answers I need. It's been the path. I've been on it all along.
Then there are the issues I form about my personal choices to prevent childbirth. Why would I do that? Why would I say I trust God to give me all I need (or not give me what I don't need?) and still choose to use birth control? Now I know this is a sticky subject and there are many opinions about it, but I come from a place in my heart that is what MY JOURNEY is about. I have learned by losing friendships and creating new ones, that I cannot judge anyone else's choice in this. But for me, I feel that I am stepping on God's toes with prevention. So in March of 2007, I took my last birth control pill. I made Brad well aware of this. And since he is not a Christian, I told him that if his choice was to prevent, then he could most certainly do that. He chose not to. I also told him that if we never conceived, I would not consider any treatments, tests or interventions. I felt that God would now work out the details.
Now here's Janet at 17 weeks pregnant. The beginning of the pregnancy was smattered with all things scary. I had friendships fizzle, tests come back to me with weird results, and the possibility that I would miscarry. All these things stealing my joy. So I had to pray, I have to pray everyday, that those things that steal my joy, just go away.

You cannot steal my JOY!